I Understand
by MissPriss11120
Summary: Literati. I added another part. When Jess comes back, Rory finally understands why he left. I really suck at summaries.
1. Rory's POV

Title: I Understand

Pairing: Literati, who else?

Rating: PG13, I have one or two potty words in there

Disclaimer: I don't own, so please do not sue. All you will get is about 10 cds and about 2 dozen books.

Summary: When Jess comes back, Rory finally understands why he left.

A/N: I actually like this story believe it or not. I think it's the first story of mine that I actually like, even though I'm not sure if it really makes sense. This story, actually it's not even 500 words so I don't really think it qualifies as a story, so this piece came out of no where. I was actually writing a story about Jess, which really sucked by the way, and I just started writing this. It started out along the same lines of the other one but that quickly changed. But anyways, this takes place in season 5 I guess. It's two years after Jess left. Forget absolutely everything in season 4 and 5, it never happened. Jess never came back, Rory and Dean never slept together (GAG ME!), but Luke and Lorelai are together. Well I think that's it. So, enjoy. And please R & R, it will be very much appreciated.

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I understand it now. It took awhile, but I finally realized why you left. You hated who you were, the way you acted, the way you treated people.

The way you treated me.

You were a selfish bastard, not caring who got hurt as long as it wasn't you. You were a jerk to everybody, they tried to help you and all you did was push them away. You never let anyone in, you put a wall around your heart ten feet tall. Nobody ever saw the real you, and that pissed you off. Yet, it was your doing. You put up a façade, secretly wishing people would see through it so you wouldn't have to hide anymore. But when they couldn't, you hated them more.

You were probably the most emotionally fucked up person I knew. Most wonder how I could have fallen in love with you. But unlike them, I got through the wall, I saw the broken little boy hidden behind the façade. And you know what? He was beautiful. Yes, I just called you beautiful and no, I'm not crazy. At least not certifiably.

When you came back to Stars Hollow you had changed. There was no more wall, no more façade. And instead of that beautiful, broken little boy, there was a man. Still just as beautiful, but not quite as broken. You had grown up, matured; a little more polite, not quite so sarcastic. But still the same Jess I fell in love with when I was sixteen.

They said that I was wasting my time on you, that you were a good-for-nothing hooligan who'd end up breaking my heart. And they were right, you did break my heart. But the moment I saw you step into Luke's it didn't matter, all of the hurt and longing was worth it. For there you were, standing in front of me ready to prove to everyone that you had changed. I think I fell even deeper in love with you than I thought possible in that moment.

It was then that I realized you didn't runaway, you left. You left to find yourself, to become the man you wanted to be. You wanted to be a better person. For me. For you. For Luke. For every single person who ever doubted you and thought that you couldn't do it. You wanted to prove to everyone who said I was wasting my time on you that they were wrong. You wanted to prove to them that you were better than they believed you to be. And you did.

It took two years, but…

I finally understood.

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A/N2: I hope you enjoyed it. Please R/R.


	2. Jess's POV

Chapter: 2

Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue. It's not like you'll get anything good anyways.

Rating: PG I guess

Pairing: Literati, of course.

A/N: Hi! Well I had written part of this like 3 weeks ago and never finished because I didn't like it. But this morning I decided to reread it and after I did I went ahead and finished it. It's still very short, all my chapters probably will be. I can't seem to write anything long. I'm not sure if I'll continue after this chappy. I kind of have an idea for another chapter, but I'm not sure where to go with it. I also have this picture in my head, but I can't seem to figure out how to get it from my head to the paper. So who knows, I might continue it. Might not. It all really depends on if I get the inspiration and ideas of where to take this fic.

But anyways, here's chapter 2. It's Jess's POV on why he has to leave. I hope you like. Please R&R.  
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I hope you understand why I'm leaving. It's not because I'm tired of you or that I don't want to be with you anymore; it's the opposite really. I want to be with you so badly and that is why I have to leave.

If I'm going to be with you I have to change. I have to become someone better.

For me. For you. For Luke.

I need to learn how to open up; let my walls down. And in order to do that I need to find myself. I've been hiding behind this façade for so long and now, it seems I've lost myself. I can't tell reality from pretend anymore. I don't know the real me.

But yet you do. You can see past the façade and through the wall. Nobody has ever been able to do that before. They never bothered to try. But you, you know me so well. With just one little glance you can see through me. You can see everything that I am. You know what I'm thinking, feeling; you know my doubts, fears, hopes, dreams. You know everything about me. I've never been that close to somebody; loved someone so deeply.

And it scares me.

I'm not afraid of loving you, not at all. I'm afraid of disappointing you. Your giving up so much to be with me. You constantly have to defend me against the town, your mother, your grandparents; and after all that I don't even treat you like you deserve. I'm afraid one day you'll wake up and realize that it wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth it.

I can't let that happen. So that's why I'm leaving. I need to become a better person. Someone who's worthy of you. I need to prove wrong everyone who ever said you were wasting your time on me. I want to be better than they believe me to be. I want to be able to say to them, 'I am worthy of her, so screw you'.

And I will someday.

Someday I'll come back. And when I do you will know that I have changed. You will look at me and see the man I want you to see, not the man that I am now. And hopefully then you will realize that I did this for you. Maybe then you can forgive me.

I know my leaving will hurt you, but it's something I have to do. Just remember that I love you.

And maybe someday you'll understand.  
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A/N2: So good, bad, marginal? Please tell me what you think, even if you think it sucks.


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